Yesterday, I had a bad training day. When I say a bad training day, what I really mean is that in my mind, I had a bad training day.
I like to think of myself as a strong person who puts a lot of work into being strong. But sometimes, I get discouraged about where I’m at and it brings me down.
What really did it in for me yesterday was the fact that I was working out with my teammates when a bunch of new people who had never been to the wall before came in to climb. One guy seemed pretty eager as he watched us on the hang board and was asking questions about how to get involved with training, the club, etc. I was standing with 3 of my male teammates when this guy said he was going home. He went around the circle, introduced himself and shook hands with everyone – except for me.
I was training at the same time, and standing right with them, but for a moment I didn’t feel apart of the team. Like my level of training didn’t seem like a competitive athlete’s level, and I didn’t hold up to my other teammates. The guy left, and my teammates went back to training, but I started thinking as I sometimes do about how my training was in vain.
I’m a girl who has to work even harder to gain strength, and I’m okay with that. I can’t help feeling disappointed in myself sometimes though when it’s taken me months and months of training to make it all the way up the campus board, and then a guy who has never been on one makes it to the 4th rung, first try. And I especially don’t like not being seen as a valued member of the team.
I decided to post this to show what can go through my mind as I’m training. This particular snap shot doesn’t occur very often, I try not to let things get to me, but I’m still human! I came home, reminded myself that I’ve come a long way with my training, and convinced myself to work even harder.
I eventually came to the conclusion that I was feeling sorry for myself. Female athletes have to work harder, yes, but it’s silly to use that as a crutch. Work even harder to show that you belong, always keep that in the back of your mind. Also, why should I care about what a new guy thinks? He doesn’t see me train on a daily basis, he hasn’t seen me climb anything hard, he really hasn’t seen anything! Why does it matter what he thinks anyway? Why does it matter what anyone thinks?
If you find that you’re getting down on yourself from time to time too, it’s okay. It happens to everyone. Training for anything is emotional, especially when you’ve invested so much time, effort and emotion into what you’re doing. Deal with it, turn it into a positive. Always remember, you’re training for yourself, not anyone else. You’re there to prove to yourself what you can do. Proving to others what you’re capable of is good too, but it shouldn’t be the main reason you’re doing it.
Climb on xx